RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! It’s that time of year when my tranquility is destroyed almost daily. I’ve always detested leaf blowers. From the first time I heard that horrible noise, I declared that all leaf blowers should be outlawed and their users thrown in jail. I can’t count how many times I’ve had a meditative hike, an afternoon … read more A loud therapy
Tag: anxiety
Natural aids
Awake before 5 and my restless mind couldn’t get back to sleep. When I tried to get up at 6:30, I collapsed into anxiety. I sobbed at the thought of having to leave this beautiful home in the mountains in just a few hours. I begged the universe to come to my aid. Is anyone out … read more Natural aids
A thousand fears
Saturday’s supposed to be the easy, fun day. The one where you just relax and do whatever you feel like. I spent most of the day nearly paralyzed with anxiety. Every thought leads to a fear. In the shower, I move very slowly, afraid of falling. I watch Tom warily, because I’m afraid he will up … read more A thousand fears
Inside and out
They ask how I am. I say that I’m OK. They compliment my haircut. I don’t show them the five-inch scar it hides. We talk for awhile, and they say it’s amazing how well I’ve recovered. Fooled ’em again. It’s been more than four months since the brain surgery, and most people can see no evidence … read more Inside and out
One of those days
More than once, during the 18 phone calls I had today, my brain gave out. It just stopped working. I continued to take notes and make verbal responses, but my brain wasn’t making sense of the sentences that were being spoken. I had to write the words down verbatim and hope that my notes will be … read more One of those days
Clanging and banging
Bang – bang – bang – bang!! Forty minutes of hammering, clanging, machine gun, buzzing, all very loud right in my ears. My first MRI. The doc yesterday referred me for one on my shoulder, and I wanted to squeeze it in before the end of the year since I’ve met my deductible. MRIs run … read more Clanging and banging
More pills??
The surgeons are done with me. Today I turned myself in at the office of the primary care doctor. My usual doc was out of the country, so I went to his partner. I wasn’t too sure about going to a stranger. But I’m anxious to get some closer-to-home follow-up on the daily trials I’ve been dealing … read more More pills??
Re-traumatized
[Dec. 28] This morning, I had an anxiety attack from reading the description of my surgery. I had downloaded my patient record from Emory. It described the surgery step by step, in clinical detail. Four pages of detail. It was the first time that I realized what the doctors meant when they said the aneurysm was in an … read more Re-traumatized
Alone again
Today I was entirely alone for the first time in four weeks. No nurses and doctors, no Tom, no caregiver except for my orange plastic bottles of prescription drugs. I slept a lot. I felt more relaxed than I have in a month. It is yet another dimension of realization about how much I take … read more Alone again