My biggest accomplishment of 2015 is that I survived it. I like the sound of that – it has the right mix of crispness and surprise. But … nah. “Privileged white girl! What do you know about survival?” my inner critic hisses. The people who should be allowed to take credit for surviving 2015 are … read more Accomplished
Tag: 2015
Re-traumatized
[Dec. 28] This morning, I had an anxiety attack from reading the description of my surgery. I had downloaded my patient record from Emory. It described the surgery step by step, in clinical detail. Four pages of detail. It was the first time that I realized what the doctors meant when they said the aneurysm was in an … read more Re-traumatized
Re-gifted
Sometimes people get gifts they don’t want, so they just give them to someone else. Christmas is a great excuse for this practice of “re-gifting.” That happened to me today. I woke to a rainy, misty day on the mountain. I got up because my back was aching to move. I was very slow, still a … read more Re-gifted
Good to go
Dec. 23 – The long-awaited day: my follow-up visit with the neurosurgeons. I was nervous and disoriented as Tom drove us down to Atlanta. I had no idea what to expect from the doctors… and at the same time, being on a freeway again felt like being in a Mad Max movie. Surrounded by hostility … read more Good to go
The Great Brain Rebellion
When my mother was dying, during the last period when she wasn’t really talking coherently, my sisters described how she was really restless and struggling … A thousand expressions passing across her face in a short time, even in her sleep, as she physically groped for and asked questions directed to things and people long gone. Clearly she … read more The Great Brain Rebellion
Up and around
There’s a whiteboard in every ICU room with spaces where they fill in important info, like the name of the nurse and nurse tech, today’s date, family member contact, and the goal for today. No one has been filling in the goals for me – in fact, they often don’t fill in the staff names … read more Up and around
Yakking, and other verbal skills
I was joking with the neurosurgery staff from the moment I woke up from anesthesia. “Why’d you let me sleep so long? I’m really hungry! I haven’t eaten since yesterday lunchtime!! Bring some damn food!” Smile. I’ve been reading emails twice a day on my phone. I’ve talked to two of my sisters, too. Yak, … read more Yakking, and other verbal skills
I almost died last night
I was standing at the stove, cooking a couple of turkey burgers for dinner, when suddenly I felt a sharp headache, very dizzy, and my hand looked strange. Colored with bright speckles. I laid down on the floor so that I wouldn’t fall down – and that turned out to be the first of several … read more I almost died last night
In the care of the birds
The following post was written Sunday afternoon. I am posting it today, Friday, from my hospital bed because it somehow seems appropriate for the events of this week…. This morning I went out to the deck to check on the herbs – they were all green and glowing, untouched by the 30-something lows this weekend. … read more In the care of the birds
It’s never enough
After working through the formula for Positive Predictive Value in my data analysis course, I should now definitely analyze what I have in common with Eminem. But it’s after 9 p.m. and I’m tired, and anyhow, this rap pretty much says it: No matter how many battles I been in and won No matter how many magazines on my … read more It’s never enough