A morning of colored glass. The gleaming pieces caught the sun and the glint of snow through the window. I wanted to handle them all. I got out all the glass fragments that I’d cut this week, and spread them out. And played. I made a dozen small pieces, just a few inches across, and experimented … read more Art therapy
Tag: 2015
Self, contained
It’s hard to think of myself as someone who’s been traumatized. That term should be reserved for people who have been victimized in some way, my critical inner voice says. People who were beaten, raped, or hit by shrapnel – that’s trauma. Today I found myself watching a video with therapist Peter Levine about “self-soothing” … read more Self, contained
Bumpy turf
There’s ridges on my head. An indent deep enough that the sides of it make two ridges, and a double-wide ridge just above my temple. The indent is the leading end of the incision they made for the surgery. It’s maybe an inch or an inch and a half long. The ridges on my temple … read more Bumpy turf
Walking in winter
After a leisurely lunch out today, Tom wanted to drive up the mountain and take a walk. I was dragging. Tired and a little queasy. It was cold; I didn’t have my hat and scarf with me. But we went. I struggled on the uphill walk, my jacket draped over my head. The wind picked … read more Walking in winter
Girlie stuff
I read Ms. Magazine from its first year, 1972. I was barely a teenager, but I would scratch out “Miss/Mrs.” on forms and write in “Ms.” Throughout my career, I’ve been correcting reporters, editors and people at large for referring to young women as “girls.” But there’s something about a pink flannel pillow sham with … read more Girlie stuff
Down time
Another low-energy day. Hours of down time. Arggggh…. why? Maybe because my sleep was broken up; maybe because it’s a Sunday; maybe because it’s the day after a good time out on the town and a 3D movie. But whatever the reason, it made the day into a struggle. One that the aneurysm itself created. This … read more Down time
In search of perfection
[I drafted this post the day I had my brain aneurysm.] As I read the book Edward Hopper by Lloyd Goodrich, I was arrested by this sentence, The result, he said, was never quite what he had in his mind. This gave me a great sense of relief – that even Hopper, whose work is in the … read more In search of perfection
Still growing
I harvested mint today, and lavender. The oregano and thyme are still growing, thick as hair. Even strands of chives are green in the pot. It’s January 4. The herbs on my deck are now 10 months old. I thought it was great to harvest herbs in November. Didn’t imagine it would go into the depths of winter. But … read more Still growing
Alone again, part 3
I have been dreading today. The end of Tom’s vacation. He goes back to the city, and I’m alone again. We made the best of it. But eventually, he loaded up the car, kissed me goodbye, and blinked his headlights in a final wave as I stood on the porch steps. I have been here … read more Alone again, part 3
The divided self
There is a split in my mind, in my love of life. It makes me crazy. Painting, photography, writing essays, singing … these make me feel happy and free when I’m immersed in them. But always the argument from the other side of the brain. That’s not enough. It’s not practical. You can’t make a living … read more The divided self