My biggest accomplishment of 2015 is that I survived it. I like the sound of that – it has the right mix of crispness and surprise. But … nah. “Privileged white girl! What do you know about survival?” my inner critic hisses. The people who should be allowed to take credit for surviving 2015 are … read more Accomplished
Tag: recovery
Re-traumatized
[Dec. 28] This morning, I had an anxiety attack from reading the description of my surgery. I had downloaded my patient record from Emory. It described the surgery step by step, in clinical detail. Four pages of detail. It was the first time that I realized what the doctors meant when they said the aneurysm was in an … read more Re-traumatized
Parallel universe
I just found out that my friend Patty’s husband died two weeks ago. Such a major event, and I didn’t even know. Patty has a smile that makes me run across the room to be near her. She was very sweet to me in my early days here in North Georgia, one of my first friends. She was … read more Parallel universe
At the speed of a cranefly
My day was saved by this leaf. Perfect day for a hike: sunshine and near 70 degrees. But I couldn’t bear the thought of hiking. Even after sleeping nearly 12 hours, I got worn out from just heating and eating lunch, taking a shower and distributing leftover cornbread to the birds. No energy left for … read more At the speed of a cranefly
Re-gifted
Sometimes people get gifts they don’t want, so they just give them to someone else. Christmas is a great excuse for this practice of “re-gifting.” That happened to me today. I woke to a rainy, misty day on the mountain. I got up because my back was aching to move. I was very slow, still a … read more Re-gifted
Good to go
Dec. 23 – The long-awaited day: my follow-up visit with the neurosurgeons. I was nervous and disoriented as Tom drove us down to Atlanta. I had no idea what to expect from the doctors… and at the same time, being on a freeway again felt like being in a Mad Max movie. Surrounded by hostility … read more Good to go
Compelled to what?
My body continues to surprise me. This time, though, it’s a good thing. Today, I felt compelled … to … exercise. I can’t remember the last time I had that feeling. Maybe it was in 1998, when I started running, and loved it so much that I thought I’d try to do a triathalon. In … read more Compelled to what?
One too many
My body dragged me a few feet and then threw me in a heap on the couch. I felt groggy and nauseated even after 10 hours of sleep. I had a headache and couldn’t think. This went on for hours. “What is this!?” I said to Tom. “I was feeling so good! We had that … read more One too many
The same, but moreso
DECEMBER 20: One thing I’ve noticed about my recovery-era feelings and behaviors is that they are unquestionably genuine. I don’t have to wonder whether they are some psychodrama I’m re-enacting, or some manipulative behavior that my devious subconscious has come up with. They come straight from inside my own head, unfiltered, authentic. And they’re not … read more The same, but moreso
Alone again, part 2
Dec. 19 – I was alone again this afternoon. Ann left for New York, and Tom had wrap-up work to do at the condo before vacation could really begin for him. I didn’t have much energy to do anything. I laid on the couch, sobbing. Now that I’ve had company, I realize that being alone … read more Alone again, part 2