My week is not going so well. My body feels like a hostile robot that I cannot control: The sciatica lingers, the opiate drugs constipate the digestive system, thinking is slow and feels generally purposeless. Tom does not hover overly much. He knows that I’ll tell him what I need and that I hate to whine. … read more Feeling like a burden
Tag: brain
The Great Brain Rebellion
When my mother was dying, during the last period when she wasn’t really talking coherently, my sisters described how she was really restless and struggling … A thousand expressions passing across her face in a short time, even in her sleep, as she physically groped for and asked questions directed to things and people long gone. Clearly she … read more The Great Brain Rebellion
Flowers in winter
NOVEMBER 30 In these two weeks I have had so little fresh air, so little contact with nature. From the recliner I see trees and a bit of shrubbery, but it’s winter. The two bouquets of flowers in their vases are like a touchstone, the promise of being able to stroll outside again without help. … read more Flowers in winter
Impatient patient tossed from hospital
FRIDAY, Nov. 27 (WORDPRESS BULLETIN): Just 12 days after collapsing with a ruptured brain aneurysm, blogger Lisa Schnellinger has been released from Emory Hospital in Atlanta to the custody of her primary caregiver Tom Willard. The discharge came two days earlier than previous optimistic estimates. There were unconfirmed rumors of a threatened mutiny by Emory … read more Impatient patient tossed from hospital
False alarms
How’s a person supposed to get any sleep around here? The ICU is just plain noisy. Every apparatus connected to me, and there are a half-dozen, has an alarm. And those alarms go off day and night, whether there’s something to be alarmed about or not. Generally the ICU staff themselves are quiet (though I … read more False alarms
The young chaplain
Since this is a teaching hospital, there are lots of people here learning to do their jobs. Today we had a visit from a chaplain who’s just an intern. He was in his mid-20s, with dark curly hair, a slim build and kind eyes. Tom and I were surprised to meet him, since you’d think … read more The young chaplain
Palette of cerebral fluid
Before this aneurysm happened, I was playing with color palettes. I’m still seeing in bands of colors. When I look around my ICU room, I even see the variety in the whites and grays, limited palette though they are. My cerebral fluid, though, is a palette in a bag. And those bands of color are … read more Palette of cerebral fluid
Chop job
[Nov. 22] A 56-year-old white woman with dreadlocks just is not OK. So today I got my hair chopped off. My hair was turning into clumps that didn’t look like hair, and it couldn’t be washed or combed. It was just getting in the way of all the medical equipment. The doctors had only shaved a … read more Chop job
My blankie
Nov. 21: When I went outside to wait for the medics on the night my aneurysm ruptured, I wrapped myself in a steel-gray fleece blanket. It was just a quick grab on the way out the door. But I’m so glad to have it. They let me keep it in the ambulance, at the hospital … read more My blankie
Yakking, and other verbal skills
I was joking with the neurosurgery staff from the moment I woke up from anesthesia. “Why’d you let me sleep so long? I’m really hungry! I haven’t eaten since yesterday lunchtime!! Bring some damn food!” Smile. I’ve been reading emails twice a day on my phone. I’ve talked to two of my sisters, too. Yak, … read more Yakking, and other verbal skills