I was standing at the stove cooking, and suddenly it hit me again: the ax in the head. I wasn’t having another aneurysm rupture. Just for a moment, I was re-living it. The fear that gripped me. Being alone. The pain and dizziness out of nowhere – no warning at all. One minute I was … read more Curves and ice
Tag: recovery
Other gifts, too
About a month into my recovery, a friend who is an herbalist and practices traditional Chinese medicine told me: “Your shen had a fright and has yet to fully return. Taking baby steps to make things nice and cozy ‘in Lisa’ will entice your shen’s full return.” She recommended herbs, meditation, looking at green things, being … read more Other gifts, too
Watch over me
It’s only this week, now that I feel almost fully recovered from the brain surgery, that I realize what a big deal it was. Eleven weeks today, almost to the minute, since that aneurysm ruptured and I collapsed on the floor. I really did almost die. And the surgeons really did dig through my brain. … read more Watch over me
Bumpy turf
There’s ridges on my head. An indent deep enough that the sides of it make two ridges, and a double-wide ridge just above my temple. The indent is the leading end of the incision they made for the surgery. It’s maybe an inch or an inch and a half long. The ridges on my temple … read more Bumpy turf
Walking in winter
After a leisurely lunch out today, Tom wanted to drive up the mountain and take a walk. I was dragging. Tired and a little queasy. It was cold; I didn’t have my hat and scarf with me. But we went. I struggled on the uphill walk, my jacket draped over my head. The wind picked … read more Walking in winter
Advice from my 90-year-old self
I had a talk today with myself – in the year 2049. Or at least, the 90-year-old me was in 2049. I did this because I was feeling stuck and unsure of so many things, as though I’m in my 20s again (horrors!). But then I remembered how I recently gave my 23-year-old self some … read more Advice from my 90-year-old self
Down time
Another low-energy day. Hours of down time. Arggggh…. why? Maybe because my sleep was broken up; maybe because it’s a Sunday; maybe because it’s the day after a good time out on the town and a 3D movie. But whatever the reason, it made the day into a struggle. One that the aneurysm itself created. This … read more Down time
The new normal
Today is the first time I’ve been moving at a normal speed for the whole day. Although I didn’t exactly jump out of bed, I woke up around 7:30 a.m. and had a normal morning routine: a shower, coffee and breakfast, my art improv exercise, reading a magazine. A month ago, I couldn’t imagine normalcy … read more The new normal
Workouts on paper
The state of my brain has begun to come out in my construction paper workouts. One that partially expresses the feeling of having been attacked: Trying to regain my sense of equilibrium: From yesterday, one that gets at the resistance from my brain to my own commands: Here’s me, with my ever-shifting levels of energy: And … read more Workouts on paper
Alone again, part 3
I have been dreading today. The end of Tom’s vacation. He goes back to the city, and I’m alone again. We made the best of it. But eventually, he loaded up the car, kissed me goodbye, and blinked his headlights in a final wave as I stood on the porch steps. I have been here … read more Alone again, part 3