Bang – bang – bang – bang!! Forty minutes of hammering, clanging, machine gun, buzzing, all very loud right in my ears. My first MRI. The doc yesterday referred me for one on my shoulder, and I wanted to squeeze it in before the end of the year since I’ve met my deductible. MRIs run … read more Clanging and banging
Tag: aneurysm
Re-traumatized
[Dec. 28] This morning, I had an anxiety attack from reading the description of my surgery. I had downloaded my patient record from Emory. It described the surgery step by step, in clinical detail. Four pages of detail. It was the first time that I realized what the doctors meant when they said the aneurysm was in an … read more Re-traumatized
Good to go
Dec. 23 – The long-awaited day: my follow-up visit with the neurosurgeons. I was nervous and disoriented as Tom drove us down to Atlanta. I had no idea what to expect from the doctors… and at the same time, being on a freeway again felt like being in a Mad Max movie. Surrounded by hostility … read more Good to go
Hallelujah!
Dec. 18: I struggled with the scissors. Moving them slowly back and forth across the green construction paper, I came up with a shape that lacked an identity. It resembled a fir tree only because I used pinking shears to give it a jagged edge. Then I tried to cut small circles out of red construction … read more Hallelujah!
Fear of the mantel
We have a fireplace with a wood mantel. I’m afraid of it. I have to walk past this mantel corner to walk to the bookshelves or behind the couch. There’s plenty of room for both of us. But when I walk past it, I shrink away from it in fear. I put my shoulder and hand up, … read more Fear of the mantel
My reluctant brain
Even when I was in the hospital, just days after surgery, I was incredulous to find that my brain won’t listen to me. Me: “With all this laying-around time, I could catch up on my reading!” Brain: “Nope. No books.” Me: “How about magazines? Lots of pretty pictures!” Brain: “Nope. No magazines.” Me: “Hey, we … read more My reluctant brain
Lost
[December 8] So many days, like today, I feel completely lost. I don’t know what I should be doing to “recover.” I get a little exercise, but everything else I do is very random. I sleep late, I wander to the couch, I eat, I take pills, I go to the bathroom. Twice a day I … read more Lost
Cry me a river
It comes out of nowhere. I’m going through the day just fine, and then suddenly I’m sobbing. No apparent reason. I don’t even feel depressed. But I’m crying my heart out. Sometimes it’s a couple times, or three times. Today, five or six times. I don’t know what it’s about. OK, I’m alone most of … read more Cry me a river
Lost and found
I’ve really been missing my purple reading glasses. I bought them about a year ago, along with a purple wallet, a purple neck warmer, and a purple headband. Some of this purple binge came from the poem, “When I am an old woman I shall wear purple…” by Jenny Joseph. Why wait until you’re old? Purple is … read more Lost and found
Feeling like a burden
My week is not going so well. My body feels like a hostile robot that I cannot control: The sciatica lingers, the opiate drugs constipate the digestive system, thinking is slow and feels generally purposeless. Tom does not hover overly much. He knows that I’ll tell him what I need and that I hate to whine. … read more Feeling like a burden