Even when I was in the hospital, just days after surgery, I was incredulous to find that my brain won’t listen to me. Me: “With all this laying-around time, I could catch up on my reading!” Brain: “Nope. No books.” Me: “How about magazines? Lots of pretty pictures!” Brain: “Nope. No magazines.” Me: “Hey, we … read more My reluctant brain
Author: Lisa
Coloring, at least
Around this time of year, I usually take a break of a week or so and do nothing but art. I call it the “Art Sprawl.” This immersion usually produces some nice drawings, progress on art projects and ideas for paintings. It’s also a time to focus on a particular technique. But I can’t do … read more Coloring, at least
Lost
[December 8] So many days, like today, I feel completely lost. I don’t know what I should be doing to “recover.” I get a little exercise, but everything else I do is very random. I sleep late, I wander to the couch, I eat, I take pills, I go to the bathroom. Twice a day I … read more Lost
Cry me a river
It comes out of nowhere. I’m going through the day just fine, and then suddenly I’m sobbing. No apparent reason. I don’t even feel depressed. But I’m crying my heart out. Sometimes it’s a couple times, or three times. Today, five or six times. I don’t know what it’s about. OK, I’m alone most of … read more Cry me a river
Slow dance
Moving slow as molasses. Treading, flapping. The water holds me down, holds me back, and my muscles all feel it. I’m in the pool. It feels so good. The water is warm, the sunlight is streaming through the walls of windows. Outside, the trees are moving easily, and the green stretches down to the lake, … read more Slow dance
Lost and found
I’ve really been missing my purple reading glasses. I bought them about a year ago, along with a purple wallet, a purple neck warmer, and a purple headband. Some of this purple binge came from the poem, “When I am an old woman I shall wear purple…” by Jenny Joseph. Why wait until you’re old? Purple is … read more Lost and found
I did payroll
I did payroll today. That made me happy. While my health has taken most of my attention, the Pakistan project has continued without a hitch because I work with an amazing team. It’s a small group of internationals who support an equally small group of Pakistanis, but every one of them is dedicated to the project … read more I did payroll
The blood that lingers
I’m in the swamp. I’ve been having lower back pain all week. It started in the hospital, but eased up when I was able to move around. I assumed it was sciatica, but it seems more concentrated near the base of the spine. And I’ve been taking short walks in the parking lot outside the condo, … read more The blood that lingers
Feeling like a burden
My week is not going so well. My body feels like a hostile robot that I cannot control: The sciatica lingers, the opiate drugs constipate the digestive system, thinking is slow and feels generally purposeless. Tom does not hover overly much. He knows that I’ll tell him what I need and that I hate to whine. … read more Feeling like a burden
The Great Brain Rebellion
When my mother was dying, during the last period when she wasn’t really talking coherently, my sisters described how she was really restless and struggling … A thousand expressions passing across her face in a short time, even in her sleep, as she physically groped for and asked questions directed to things and people long gone. Clearly she … read more The Great Brain Rebellion